Saving sex for marriage. Is that even possible today? Should it be something you are aiming for? It seems really archaic, especially on university campuses today.
Well, let me tell you about a survey I conducted last year with 2,000 married women across North America. I asked them about the quality of their sex life. Those who were virgins on their wedding night experienced the best sex today. The more sexual partners they had before marriage, the worst their sex life became after they were married.
There is a reason that God said to wait until you are married. I know everyone else is doing it and the whole world seems to be jumping into bed at the drop of a hat. But that doesn't mean they are enjoying it and it certainly doesn't mean they are going to have a good sex life the rest of their lives.
If you want to guarantee you are going to have a good sex life, you need to wait. That is what God said, and it really does work.
In another interview with Sheila, she gave this additional insight on this issue:
"Why wait? Sex for “fun” is self-fulfilling. You are using the other person to make you feel good. In marriage, the reason flips. You are in love and want to express that by pleasing the other person. The first is taking, the second is giving — offering your whole self: body, mind, and soul.
Hooking up involves having a control over the other person, making them bend to your desires or by manipulating them into feeling good, so then you feel good. It is a power trip and a rush.
In marriage there is a mutual bonding and your relationship enhances the physical experience. The more you share yourselves with each other — your hopes, desires, disappointments, dreams — the more satisfying sharing your bodies will be. Your interest is not self-centered but us-centered.
You may think you can be in love with numerous people at different times. You can fool yourself into thinking you are getting to the next level beyond the physical attraction. You are a couple and you share things. You are learning more about each other all the time. Even so, the physical aspect is the dominating factor.
In marriage, there is a vow. It goes beyond feelings. It is a commitment. You pledge to put that other person first, even if you don't feel like it at the time. That takes love to a whole new level.
Unless you are absolutely sure this guy is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, for better or worse, and he feels the same, it is only a test run. The magic of total, all-encompassing, and lasting sex won’t be there. It will fade, and so will your relationship.
Why settle for less?"