What I Learned From Dating a Non-Christian Guy

I met a Non Christian guy, we were friends since middle school and he had to change school shortly after entering high school. And after some 2 to 3 years he found my phone number and he contacted me. He likes me and I have made it clear to him that I can't date a guy who is not a Christian. And he is open to go to church, read bible with me. And he supports me and encourages me to go to church and seek God. He is just totally my type except he is not a Christian. He takes care of me, loves to talk to me, makes me laugh and makes me feel loved and above everything I feel peace with him, and tbh he has most sweet soul and he has characteristics of Jesus like being kind to everyone and loving everyone. But I am firm in my decision that until and unless he accepts Christ no way I am gonna accept him. I can't compromise God for him. And yesterday night I was crying cause he just suddenly came in my life after so many years and made me feel this much for him, I was crying to God saying why would you let me like him when I can't have him. And after some minutes of crying and fighting I surrendered my feelings, and that guy to God and minutes after that I felt the urge to pray for his salvation. It was past 11PM but I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to pray for this man's salvation. And this guy also asked me why am I not inviting him to my church, and I thought maybe that's a great idea to invite him to my church. This whole thing gives me peace but he is just not Christian. I felt the urge to fast and pray for his salvation and for my feelings. If it's God's will he will give this guy to me. From the day I started to talk with this guy again I have been praying remove him from my life if he's not the one for me and this prayer brought me out of my previous relationship with a Christian guy who was cheating on my back, this prayer removed several of my crushes in church by showing who they truly are and it happened immediately, then why is this prayer not working on this one? I just don't know what to do and I need guidance from Jesus.

Hi I’m 15 my name is bri and I feel like I won’t ever find someone who is christain and i feel like it’s impossible like I won’t find someone ever. Like I’m going to be single living with three cats or I’m gonna have to adopt a kid. It’s just so complicated in this world to find the right one. It feels so impossible. I want to be with someone even when young and learn through our mistakes and grow closer to god together. But I feel like I just won’t have that I feel like if I do I’m gonna be old so it’s gonna be different I don’t know I’m starting to give up on love.

Thank you so much for this topic. I've met a non christian guy. He is totally my type. I like how I feel when I'm with him, and the idea of stopping to feel that frightens me. The idea of not seeing him again, not touching him again, or even hear his voice. He has everything except Jesus. It's so hard but scripture is so clear. What if I don't feel this again anymore, I'm holding on to this feeling because I know this isn't suppose to be. I don't think it's Gods will to keep on going with him. Life hard, but never alone thank God🙏🏻

I was married to a Christian man and focussing on the idea of “equally yoked” preached constantly in the Christian circles. The longer we stayed married the worst things got between us. Now we are no long married, he continues to believe this is all my fault as were the same in our marriage - my problems cause our marriage to be difficult and I decided to say I’ve had enough. My heart died long before our marriage died. We’ve even tried 14 counsellors and pastors in our 15 years of marriage. Fast forward, I have now met a non-Christian man who loves me dearly. He makes the effort to be present with me, understands my heart and pain, cares for me. He continues to put our future in his mind and continues to encourage me to look forward. He continues to push me to learn and to be better. He treasures me like a human being. I don’t feel like I’m a maid, which I did before. I’ve started questioning the things that I’ve believed and been preached to about dating, about sexuality, about unequally yoked, and what God actually thinks about these things. I don’t have an answer. I know Jesus does. I’m starting to not believe what the church at large preach on date a Christian and if you can’t date a Christian and stay single until you find that right one. I’m starting to question the idea that I’ll be condemned and my life will be miserable if I date or married a non-Christian who loves me, adores me, wants the best for me and our future.

As a christian woman, i'd like to know how you dealt with telling him you'd wait for marriage to have s3x. or whether the conversation came up at all. i really need advice with how to tell people i'm seeing about that. or whether to tell them at all. help.

Wise decision. AMEN! Please join The View ASAP! Young women need to realize the Enemy of your soul will try to blindside you. He will propose to you in front of everyone you know or on a Megatron so you won’t say, ‘No.’ Catholics, Mormons, and Pentecostal mystics are the worst because they seem Christian, but you will know them by their fruits. Some of these men actually know God, but many are just in a religion like a football team. Never mind the strange forces in our world who will try to snatch you out of a rattlesnake’s bed, only to deliver you onto python. Times are weird. People are strange. You definitely will know them by their fruit. The point is, the Bible warns you about trouble a forgiven soul can still cause herself in this world. Your children may end up being saved, but it is only through Jesus, because Solomon couldn’t even pull that off after marrying pagans. However much we think Jesus fulfilled the Old Testament, there is something to not marrying a pagan, and God bless wise women like you for figuring it out early. Mark 12:25 is hope for women. AMEN!

Hey, I've come here in search of a bit of Christian advice. I'm 18 and I've fallen in love with this girl who is a non-Christian. We almost started dating about 2 years ago and she ended it for her own reasons (she thought that I was too good for her). At the time I thought it was for the best because we had differing beliefs and I had the idea that it wouldn't have worked in the long run. Fast forward to now, we're both still struggling to get over each other. We had a discussion about our relationship and if we should have a shot at getting together. We decided to give ourselves a week or so to think and ask questions and advice. And so here I am. I'm struggling to find a definitive conclusion on whether or not I should go ahead with it or not. We are so amazingly compatible in personality but the issue lies in our beliefs. Neither of us want to get into something that's going to just end up in heartbreak. But at the same time we don't want to go back to the harsh game of "try to stay friends without falling in love". A lot of people have told me that I should cut off contact to try and get over her, but it's an unreasonable request since I don't think either of us could stay sane and happy without the other, regardless of any romantically established relationship. I know for a fact that I'm not going to be shying away from my faith at all in the end, since it's always been my number one priority, but at the same time I know that me and this girl aren't going to lose contact no matter what happens. So right now I'm leaning towards giving the relationship a chance since I'm confident that I wont be losing my faith, or a valuable friend, but then again I'm still afraid of what might happen if that turns out to be the wrong decision.

Any guidance for if you met your non-believer partner when you were at a stage in your journey that was outside of God will? I am totally understanding the idea unequal foundation\values. I guess it just seems a little harsh to breakup a strong union with my boyfriend who actually encouraged me to go back to church. There is also a foundation of love, trust etc that I built with this man over two years together. I do love God more, but it is hard to determine if his will is really to cease being in my relationship especially when I am not being pulled away from God but encouraged to seek him out. Does anybody have any biblical wisdom on this topic?

Hi please help. Iv been talking to someone over the phone for about 6 months and we recently met. We have had many discussions about religion being an issue as he is of a different religion. He now says after we met he doesn't know if he can put a title to us because i wont do the religious stuff that he expect me to do according to his religion. If i want this to work should i just do the religious things even if i dont believe in it to make him happy? I really have fallen for him but it seems like the only way he will continue this with me is if i can say 100 percent i will do all the cultural and religious stuff that is expected of me

this is amazing and comforting. thank you.

Hi, thank you so much for the article 🙂 I am experiencing difficulty of a similar nature. I have a baby’s father with whom we got a child out of the wedlock before accepting Christ. We both got saved and were very much devoted for the past four years until early this year we fell into sexual sin. I repented and left him, he went on to be involved with someone else. Now he is back and wants to have a relationship. He says he relented also but I’m not convinced looking at his conduct, he does not even go to church. I love him and I hope the Lord will help him one day but I’m also afraid what if he’s just back to get me and destroy my relationship with God. He promises to e serious and marry me. I’d love to spend my life with him but now his relationship with God keeps driving me away. I could move on and focus on Gos but I’m afraid no one will marry me as I already have a child with someone. Please pray with me and advise I’m just confused right now I don’t know why is best for me to do.

Hi Thenmozhi Julia, I can understand how hard it is for you to make the decision to break off your relationship, but be concerned that if you don't you will drift away from your relationship with God. What has led to you realizing that you have to make this choice now? Have you had to compromise your faith in this relationship?

Thank you so much for this article. It felt like I was reading my own story. I have wanted to be married for as long as I can remember but yet, at 28, still nothing. I just got out of a 3 year relationship with the most beautiful nonbeliever. He was charming, cute, Scottish, funny but I could never really even get him to church. It was always a chore. I prayed over him for years but he never would budge. I wanted to plant a seed but didn't want to force him into anything. Eventually, the inevitable happened, I started drifting further from Christ and guilt set in. I would lie awake at night (sleeping in the same bed with him in the house we lived in together) about how this didn't feel right. I began wanting to get married to him just so I wouldn't feel guilty about living with him (something he never really understood). I started drifting away from him and in the end, we would never be able to make it work. My heart hurts but I no longer feel like I carry that guilt that was burderning me for three years. Thank you so much for writing your experience. I am single again and I hate it but I'm working on trusting God that he has someone so much better in store for me.

Hi

Hi, and HELP! Just yesterday I went out on a date with a non christian. We really had a good time but totally noticed some red flags. Its hard because I did enjoy his company and I dont know what to do if he asks me out again. Should I tell him no because we believe different things and that could never work out? Should I just ghost him? And everyone in my family was totally against of me just accepting his invitation. What should I do?

Hi all! I am currently dating a non-Christian, but not only that, a Hindu. I love him and can see myself devoting my life to him, though I know it will be extremely difficult. I have made it clear that I will never compromise on my faith and he is the same. I never wanted to date a non- Christian, but this is the state of my life. I am aware that many stray from Jesus once tied together with a non-believer, but I belong to Jesus and will not allow this to happen, I will give my everything to this not happening. Can this work? It is not a sin? God will not withhold himself or his blessing from me, nor will he allow the enemy to beset me? Thanks x

I just want to say thank you for this article. Currently im 23 years old and sometimes i think about this subject because i feel like i need to do things on my own and figure my life out on my own. But deep down inside i know that i need God. What helps me regarding this matter, after reading this article, if God can save me, why can't i believe that He has set someone aside for me, who understands me, who i can understand, someone compatible for me? Why cant I wait for such a blessing, greater than gold? I am convicted, no matter how close I am to God, no matter if I feel so enthusiastic about my faith that day or not. Regardless if I feel hopeful, or deep reverence or not, God always convicts my heart and reminds me about what is better for my life, and it shows that He cares even though sometimes i think He doesn't or sometimes I seem to not care, He shows that He is there regardless of who I am, because He has proved His everlasting love to me through His son Jesus Christ. He will not give me up. I just felt compelled to write this. Please pray for me so that I can be closer to God and see Him more as my friend and ally. Please pray for me to be more genuine and enthusiastic about my faith, comfortable in it, yet continually refined as God calls my heart to be, not to be compared to anyone else, but to be who He made me to be in Christ.

It is not easy. I have know this man for 4 years. Year 1 we were friends. Year 2 we dated. He moved away for 6 months for work and our conversations over the internet faded. I was heart broken. He cam back, we became even closer. Last year I was depressed and he was the only one there for me, making me feel safe and loved. He is kind, caring and we lived like a married couple. But here is the tricky part of the story, he calls himself aethist, despite him wanted to step into any churches we walk pass. His mum died of cancer and in his arms, this is the reason he is struggling to believe in God. As for me, I believe in God, baptised but did not know the bible passage about not being unyoked. So it has been 4 years with this man and last month, I returned to church and dumped him. I regret it so much. I feel terrible as I have hurt the man I love and he did say that he was broken and struggling with work. SO , instead of giving him support and showing the 'love is kind, love is patient', I was to wrapped into my own problems, felt unsupported by him, and dumped him! terrible. Now I have reconnected with God, I can see that I have managed this so badly. I have sent him some messages and he is ignoring me. His last message did say that he did not have the emotional, nor physical strength to respond. I pray and pray that my heart will heal and for this man to meet Jesus somehow, but I am hurting and can't stop thinking about my missed opportunities to talk about Jesus to him because at the time I was not behaving like a christian. I really would like to repair things with this man. If you have experienced something similar, please share

I made the exact same mistake within the past year, twice. My frustrations have been mounting steadily for the past... I'd say 10 years. I wanted to get married at age 21, like my Mom, but here I am 29 and still unmarried. I compromised on my number one requirement, which was to find a man who loved the Lord. But I'll say, the single men my age I met at my church, I felt strongly there was a reason they were unmarried. I was not attracted to them and did not find them interesting. So, when a non-Christian guy who was super nice and had a stable career came along, I compromised. Needless to say, it did not work out in my favor. Then, the unthinkable happened: I got asked out by a solid Christian guy who is brilliant, interesting, and kind. However, he does not have his life figured out at all. He's in the midst of trying to better himself and do something with his life, but where he's at now, it could be as much as 3 years before he will have a steady job in an actual field. I on the other hand have a high paying job, and am ready for such things as marriage, children, what not. He is not, and will not be for a while, and even then it's no guarantee. I'm so torn. I have to figure out if I'm willing to take that risk with him, for the good qualities he does have. Otherwise, I could end things now and go back to square one, hoping I'll meet the perfect man (who I'm convinced doesn't exist, there will always be something wrong) who has his life together. His unstable job situation will impact many things - I prioritize traveling, I love to experience and do things... but he doesn't have any money, and won't for a long time. I'm worried he will hold me back, and I'll feel constrained and limited. He also feels the pressure from me, knowing where I'm at in life and what my expectation in a man is. The only thing I can think of doing is asking him to pray regularly with me, about our relationship, and future, for each other, etc. If we are willing to submit our lives to the Lord and follow His lead, He will make the answer clear as to whether or not we should be dating. I have immense trouble submitting this to the Lord... it's why I ended up taking things into my own hands.

Rachel, Oops: things will change for you if you don't try to manipulate what you want out of life. AND: you can be happy NO matter what your life situation is. Thinking too fast here. Marilyn

Rachel, Believe me, it is important to marry/date a fellow Christian. The scripture is very clear on "not being unevenly yoked". I know from experience and from talking to other women, we MUST be with people of our faith. If not, they can drag us away from God. Why is your faith wavering because you are single ??? This world tells us we must be attached in some manner by a certain age or something, otherwise, they think there is something wrong with us. There are many unmarried, saved people, and they are happy. We must be careful of setting up"'Idols" in our lives, and marriage is definitely one. Marriage can be difficult, it takes total unselfishness on our part, we HAVE TO think of the other persons needs/wants, before our own. Scripture is all about a woman submitting to her husband, if you are an independent woman, that can be difficult to say the least. Coming under the mans authority in everything, (finances, friends, reading materials, and so on), is not an easy thing to do, if you haven't put Christ first in your life. Christ first, others second, and yourself last. Happiness, as the world knows it, comes from our situation, whether we perceive it as good or bad,but real happiness is produced by our joy in the Lord. with the joy of the Lord, you can be happy not matter what your situation. I believe if you find your joy in the Lord and pursue him, seek him in prayer, things will change for you manipulate your life to get what you think you want. God knows what he wants for you and has special plans for you. Marilyn, Tom's wife

To trust God with my life. To not worry if ex husband who is a non believer will have a better life than me. He might get a beautiful young woman n he will be happy. Better financial status n better relationship with our son. Fear overcome me that all will come true, my ex will a better happy life than me. I need help bc I need God to fill my void inside of me n trust him He has a plan for my life. I need to put him first, not be tempt to work out things with ex bc of my fears.

Just like the author of this post, I, myself have been in search of the one. I'm 22 this year and everyone around me is either attached or getting together with someone. I really doubt that God has plans for me because nothing seems to be going my way. I've been hitting so many roadblocks in my dating life and I've come to the point where I really am frustrated with God and really really annoyed at my situation. Why can't I just meet a nice Christian boy who gets me? All the guys I have liked usually don't like me back or are attached. Nothing goes my way. I met a non-christian guy on a dating app recently and he's really nice and everything but he does not go to church and brushed it off when I asked him about it - it's what made me look up on Google to see if anyone has suffered/is suffering the same plight as me. Whereas, it's so easy for my friends to find someone, click and just get together. I haven't really put much thought into whether they are Christians or non-Christians but does it really matter? it just seems so unfair because I have felt alone in this life - my life for so long now (living abroad alone and everything). The longer my single-ness prolongs, the longer my doubt in God continues to grow bigger and more realistic each day. My faith is wavering a lot and I just feel very very unhappy and lost. Everyone has a special confidant. What about me when all my friends are busy? Who do I turn to?

To trust God with my life. To not worry if ex husband who is a non believer will have a better life than me. He might get a beautiful young woman n he will be happy. Better financial status n better relationship with our son.

I dated an unbeliever and now it's over. I am on a verge of regret and guilt. Guilt moreso because I know exactly what the Lord will is and still I decided to act according to what my heart desired. I was on the same exact situation. I am broken. Grateful that I get to see how God moved in this situation.

1 Corinthians 7:8, 27, 28, 32, 33, 34, 38 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain single, even as I. Are you free of commitment? Do not look for a wife. ..those who marry will face troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. Clearly the bible does not recommend marriage, and the church really needs to drop its obsession with marriage and prescribing marriage as the path to happiness, it has reached idolatrous proportions. it seems that most people are unaware of what the bible actually says about marriage. : https://www.huffingtonpost....

1 Corinthians 7:1-17 (MSG) 'Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master’s command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife. And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master’s command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife. For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God. On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God. And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.'

This article felt like reading my current experience but with the added blessing of seeing my potential future if I pursed a romantic relationship. After months of subtly being pursued by a nice guy trying to get my attention, he gave me his number. He grew up Christian but no longer attends church. We've just started texting, and I appreciate his directness because we'd like to get to know each other better but he asked if it "bothered me" that he doesn't go to church. He wants to know what I think about that. Since the convo was over text, we agreed to chat about it in person. After reading this article and the discussion below, I no longer have an internal conflict as to what I should do. My question now is, how do I convey the essence of this article to him. I'm praying the Lord prepares him in advance so our conversation is received in a positive way. Hopefully, in a way that doesn't paint my response as a judgement against him as a person, or christianity as being super restrictive. I'm not sure how to tell him that while I like him, and the fact that he doesn't attend church wouldn't hinder me from getting to know him better as a friend. I wouldn't be able to pursue a romantic relationship with him because we're not on the same page when it comes to faith.

I love this article! I met a wealthy handsome man that is finaically stable to give me the world and I think we would have hit it off but I called it off before we went on our first date because 1) His divorce isn't final 2) He isn't a Christian 3) The man needs time to heal. So what the heck was this man doing in my life in the first place? How on earth did he get there? I have always been told that people come into your life for a reason. I asked God what was that reason? God's desire is that non should perish. Perhaps, to show me that my time for love isn't ready or maybe to pray for salvation, forgivinness, healing and reconciliation on this wounded man's life. I know that God loves him and I love God more than the desires of my heart. Therefore, let God's will be done in Jesus name.

Aww .. what a wonderful testimony. I wish I had followed this example. There wasn’t any males around in my church. I ended up marrying an unbeliever (I was 18 years old and he tricked me into believing he was going to get saved. I really thought he was. Anyway the next 15 years was hell on earth. I lost my intimate relationship with God and ended being cheated on repeatedly throughout the whole time I was married. We have children and although (by Gods Grace I’m out of the marriage) but he’s still trying to make me life difficult by using the children. It has been an up hill battle and it’s not worth your salvation, your sanity and peace of mind! I’m now here nearly 20 years on and I’m still struggling to get my life back on track with God. (If anyone’s here considering and unbeliever please reconsider) my ex cried, read the bible and prayed with me I thought he was about to get saved. It’s not worth it! Was still for me he’s a narcissist, I didn’t just pick up an unbeliever but a devil.

I have a question, but backstory first. About 18 months ago, i started talking to this guy. We hit it off quickly and our relationship progressed. I knew he wasn't a believer, however, i chose to continue in the relationship, because he was open to discussion about everything. And also, we fit together in every other area of life. (I know that sounds cheesy and love blind, but we've talked thru deep, heavy things and also lighthearted things, and we just mesh. I've never had this closeness with anyone) As far as christianity, he's willing to come to church with me, and we get to discuss the sermons. At the beginning of this year, he proposed, and I said yes. He asked my father for his blessing, and it was given with the condition that he not take me away from my faith. We also have had some really great discussions regarding being saved and what that looks like. He told me that he doesn't want to be separated from me in eternity. We have also gotten to discuss the gospel (we're sinners, God is perfect, Christ came down and lived a perfect life, He died and became our perfect sacrifice, God sees us thru Christ's blood, we confess that He is Lord and Savior) While all this is going on, I've had a few friends come to me and say that they can't be involved in our wedding, since it would be a sin to marry him (unequally yoked). I'm trying really hard not to be offended as to why they didn't seem to have a problem when we were dating. These are the girls that I would want as my bridesmaids, and I understand their convictions, but i feel a little sad that they can't celebrate our day with us. All that to say, he and I have talked and I believe he is now a believer ! I would like to know, how can we let people know without sounding like he is just getting saved to get married? I know a christian is known by fruit, but how long are people going to watching (and honestly judging) to see if he is "christian enough?"

It's a wonderful and blessed thing that you chose the right path. " light hath nothing in common with darkness". This is 100%. No matter how appealing a non-believer may seem @ some point you will be lonely in your relationship. That person is blind and cant see, they may not want to see. There is no way around it, your only purpose "if married" will be by your sacraficial actions and meekness. You dont have a luxury of expectation from a non believer as you do a Christian. There is no accountability to God. Your sacrafices will not be reciprocated. I've been with my husband for 9 years, married for 2 , saved for 4. I was under the assumption my husband was saved at his mothers funeral, before we got married. ( I learned after , uh no , he wasn't ) I live this everyday. I love my husband but we are darkness and light. My prayer is for him to be the spiritual head of home, his salvation, his heart softened. It's a hard road and a split home. I would never want this life for and believer. My heart wants us to serve and grow in Christ together. But for today I will pray, and serve with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I am lonesome with my husband as I yearn for what is not there, he cant understand what is of the Spirit because he is of the World. But as his wife I made a commitment to God and I will keep my vow and be faithful.

I have been in a physical intimate relationship with a guy who is a strong headed atheist for about 2 months. I am confused and too scared to think about the future. He is in love with me and is ready to make commitment. I know I must not yoke with an unbeliever and sexual immorality is sin. But I have been choosing to tune out my faith when we spend time together. I know the sooner I break this relationship off the less pain and hurt it will cause to both of us. but I really value our budding friendship and his caring and selfless acts towards me. I know to cut him off completely will break him as we agree to stay friends no matter what happens. He has depression and has had an awful marriage where her ex-wife estranged from him as she was part of a cult. I agree this has been a spiritual battle. I have been bitter and disappointed to God in the lead up of turning 30 for being single for a long time this year. I am afraid of the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I know my relationship with God is at stake if this relationship continues. I would be like Esau who trades his birth certificate for a bowl of soup. The thought of him standing as God's enemy in his unbelief terrifies me. I really want to help him understand the gospel and see him saved. He agrees to read Bible once a week with me after he returns from his overseas trip. But I know his heart is hardened and he only does this because he wants to please me. I couldn't stop the pattern of sexual sins because I want to please him and take care of him. Also we are flatmates but I am moving out soon. I have a people-pleasing nature and want others to like me, to the extent of sacrificing of my holiness and purity in this case. I have not told this to any of my christian friends. I am so tired of living a double life. What can I do?

WOW. Amazingly written and said. To the point and so simple to resonate with. THANK YOU for saying this!!! Can I share my story? I made the decision to waiver and I entered into a relationship with a non-Christian guy... twice. I had no idea that the day I made that decision, I was already putting God second in my life. And it took me a span of 3 years, and two rounds of the relationship to fully realize what doing that had done to me personally, internally, and to my soul. I started out the relationship "trying" to be like Jesus, trying to be around this fellow sinner and trying to show the light of God to him just by being myself... but I wasn't myself anymore, I had waivered. So instead of showing him the light, he saw every bit of darkness that crept into my life. I can't even remember how many times I fell into a DEEP, DARK depression in front of this person, and neither him or I could comprehend that it was because my soul was so, so far from Jesus. And then, as they should have, things came to a head, or a brick wall, if you will. There was nowhere left to go. A very emotional phone call with "my person" left me uncontrollably crying, and this brought me to my knees, crying out to Jesus. I said to him, "I'll make you a deal. I'll let go of this relationship, but then that's it! I don't want another one! I'll let this one go, and you remove the desire in me to want one, completely!" I begged and pleaded with Him over this. Oh, how God must love us trying to make deals with Him. I immediately heard, "NO DEAL." And then Jeremiah 29:11 came to my mind: "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." It was as if He was saying to me, "YOU GET TO HAVE MORE. IF YOU LET THIS GO, I WILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE AND MORE. TRUST ME." I stayed there on my knees weeping and thanking Him for being such a good, good father. And then I got myself up, and played the song, "Good, Good Father" by Chris Tomlin on repeat the remainder of the night until I fell asleep. The next day and night, I was still confused over "how" to let the relationship go. There was an intense tugging on my heart all day and into the night, so much so that I could not sleep. In bed, I asked God, "What? Is this You? Are You trying to tell me something?" And then, as clear as anything, I heard the words: "IT IS OVER." And instantly, the raging sea, or my aching heart, calmed. I was able to sleep, but I knew something more was required of me. Not only did I know confidently that the relationship was OVER, I had to [let it be] OVER. The next morning, I tried to explain this revelation to "my person" and he just couldn't understand. Regardless, it felt well in my soul that the relationship was over... But then he showed up at my house. (Side note, I had moved to Arizona and he was living in California. So he flew to Arizona and showed up at my house). I did not know how to handle this. I tried talking to him about everything that was coming up for me internally, and he tried to explain what he was experiencing. We weren't seeing on the same page, but there was now this added confusion. I tried to stay strong, but I felt such a strong connection and love for him. I remember going to take a shower, alone, and started to weep saying to God, "Why? I don't understand. We love each other. So why?" There was no answer from God... yet. After he returned back to his home in California, we had a week of chatting here and there, and if anything, the relationship seemed in "limbo." I knew it was OVER, but I could feel myself still holding on, and not lightly, like heavily holding onto this person in some hope that God would perform some miraculous deed and this person would see God, see me, and we would ride off into the sunset happily ever after, in Jesus's name -- Doesn't this sound like all the Disney movies we saw growing up more than like anything from the Bible?? In the days that followed, I started to feel so, so lonely in the nights. I tried to fight myself from calling him, but it was difficult. I went to church, and even a midweek group, and it would distract me for a bit, but I still felt so lonely and missed and longed for him (the wrong him). And then my best friend called. I told her everything and I cried to her about the loneliness of being in a new place, going through a breakup, and not having a solid community of friends to reach out to. She simply said, "Come home. Come stay with me and heal. I will be your friend, we will craft, and we'll be here for each other during this time." Those were the words I needed to hear. So I packed up my car with some clothes and toiletries and started the treck to Southern Oregon -- 16 hours. In a way, I felt like God had been calling me to make a "move", and I didn't know what that meant. I didn't now if that meant "making a move" in the relationship, permanently "moving" to a new location, "moving" in my life by trying something new, et cetera. I didn't know how to navigate this. And I seemed to have drifted from Him in the days following "my person's" visit, as if my focus had now so easily shifted back to Him instead of Jesus. So I had recreated this distance between me and God, and therefore discerning His words were difficult. Have I said that I have a history of learning things the hard way?? And so then, as I made the decision to "move" and drive, He Showed Up. (He is so, so faithful) Upon the drive up North, I would be passing through the city where "the person" lived, and we had made a plan to meet up for a meal. About 2 hours before I would arrive, I was feeling so uneasy about it, so I called him. I started to bear my soul to him and tried to get answers from him about "What is this? What are 'we'? What are we doing?" And he -- as he had been stating over and over for weeks -- had [nothing] to tell me. Feeling defeated, again, I tried to get off the phone and then the conversation turned negative, really fast. He began to aggressively ask me, "Who are you? What do you even want? You don't even know who you are or what you want! I feel as though you are waiting around for me, like you're trying to find your identity in an 'us'!" ------- Wow, that's a lot to take in, and I initially started to attempt to defend myself to him, but the words that came out were useless and not meaningful at all, and I abruptly got off the phone. I wept in my car at the thought of someone, and especially this person, questioning who I am and having the nerve to say that I found my identity in "us". I wrestled with this, and then out of nowhere it came. [There's a 30-second commercial that sometimes plays on Hillsong Channel where a pastor, Christine Caine, says, "When are you going to stop believing what people say about you and remember what Jesus says you are?!"] In that moment, those words came to me, and it was as if Jesus, Himself, poured over me. All of the sudden the words that came out of my mouth were, "I am a Child Of God. He knows me. I know Him. My identity is IN Him. I don't have to defend myself to anyone because He has already said who and what I am. AMEN." What followed was me playing the song," Who You Say I Am" by Hillsong Worship, over and over and over again. I drove right past the place where he lived and kept on driving north. And upon driving through the beautifully tree-covered roads of Northern California, I felt His joy upon me, and I felt completely secure in Him. I sent a text message to "the person" saying: "Of course you would question who I am or who I say I am. You will never truly know me or my heart until you know His. I don’t find my identity in you or anyone, or what you or anyone say I am. I know who I am and I find my identity in Jesus. Thank you!" And that was it. That was my last contact. It's as if I've been released from the shackles of the relationship and my sight is completely restored on Jesus. My eyes have been opened and I can see SO CEARLY NOW. In trying to be in relationship with someone who defied God, I was defying myself; I WAS DEFYING GOD and that which resides inside of me. (1 John 4:4, "Greater is He that resides in you, than he who is of the world...") Instead of holding strong in Who I Am in Christ, I was trying to relate, and therefore conforming to the worldly ideals of this person. Romans 12:2 (NLT) says, "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." -- WOW. In this revelation, I don't feel the connection, or addiction, to the person anymore. I see it for what it was, and what it was, was not good. As I had to learn this the difficult way, I am so pleased and thankful for God CONTINUALLY showing up in my life and reaching me on [my level], this strong-willed, yet faithful Daughter. And so I pray for all of us who are in this scenario, that God reveals Himself to us in a way where the choice to return to Him is so clear, and that letting go of that which was never for us, is easy and fills your hearts with joy instead of sadness. :)

I'm an atheist and was with a Christian for over 10 years so it definitely can work. That "equally yolked" stuff is for the birds. It's really about communication and understanding...you establish those 2 things, you're good to go regardless of beliefs

Ha, I'd love to be in a place where there are ten girls to every guy, then I may not be considering dating a non-christian. I really appreciate this article, and your honesty. I am prayerfully considering asking a girl out at work, it's a long-shot, because she's a lot younger, I know little about her and her last relationship was with a girl... But I'd rather try, then do nothing while it is the only thing on the table. I'm hoping God will just show his fulfilling peace in my life, and I can forget about this, honestly. Having a very attractive girl flirting with you periodically is difficult however. Was there a particular scripture that helps anyone in their temptations with this?

Great article. I have been going through something very similar myself recently. Its got me down. This non christian guy and I like each other and one thing lead to another we ended up having sex..not once but a few times 😞 He wants to continue on a path together and have a relationship and as most of us know sex makes things hard so my mind was all over the place,not knowing what to decide. Deep down I know its not right and it wont work. I just think its Satan trying to get in and steal my joy because my walk in God has been going very well lately. I decided to end things with this guy. It was very hard but I know Ive made the right decision. I felt he was holding me back from my relationship with God. I choose Jesus!!!! Please pray for me 😊

In less than a week I cut a 14 months daily communication with a friend. From the beginning I knew it was wrong bc it wasn't God's will since he claims he's an atheist. Fast forward, feelings were formed and feelings were broken. A few months back I had the conviction to cut off communication with him. Progressively, I prayed to God to help me cut it off. So less than a week now, though emotionally a bit disturb, I just put my eyes and trust in Jesus. It is more satisfying to glorify God in every aspect of our lives. Being stubborn and rebellious to God only bring downfall and heartbreak. Thankfully, God loves his rebellious children to srill answer our prayers.

I needed this article. I've been single for the last 26 years and finally got asked out by a great guy that I really hit it off with only to find out he was an atheist. As much as my heart wants to make it work, I know God has a bigger plan for me and I just have to be patient in his timing and leave my life plan up to him.

Stacey Zimmermann: I stumbled across your article just now while looking for comfort. I allowed myself to get to far along in a relationship with a non-believer and had to end it last night. The lies i told myself: no Christian man will want me because I've been married before/ His kids do not have a Christian influence in their lives and i can be that person/ He's not a bad person/ why would we be so happy - compatible if it wasn't "meant to be".... etc What makes it so hard is that we are crazy about each other! But because he does not have a relationship with God, he doesn't understand why I can't continue on! Your article has given me some peace about making the right decision. Thank you! I'm going to bookmark it so that i can re-read it when i'm feeling sad.

My daughter is dating a non believer and in doing some research, while Christians and non believers might have similar divorce rates, Christians where both partners are actively living out their faith, attending church and having an active faith life, have the very lowest divorce rates. It's the luke warm Christians who don't live out their faith, don't regularly attend church, that contribute to the higher divorce statistic. The divorce rates for atheists and agnostics is also skewed lower, because this group also has the highest rates of cohabitation/life partnership, so when they split up, it's not a "divorce".

Believe it or not, it is entirely possible to be happy and content as a single person! You should not feel under pressure to marry. learn to ignore and not care about other people's opinions. believe it or not, the bible DOES NOT recommend marriage. Seems to me a lot of people get married because they can't take the societal pressure. As a single person, I can tell you the only thing that makes me unhappy is the way society treats people who stay single. But being single in itself is fine! I get to have a nice big apartment to myself, I get to travel half the year and meet new people. I'm free to do what I want and have new experiences. I realized long ago that I'm perfectly happy with my own company. The only drawback, is the judgmentalism of other people who are somehow unable to accept that its possible to be happy on your own. My view is the opposite: if you feel unable to be content alone, there is something wrong with you.

This article helped me a lot. I'm 31 and single and recently have been crushing on a co-worker who is unsaved. I will wait for whatever God has planned for me!

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. -1 Corinthians 7:12

It wouldn't matter to me whether someone called themselves Christian or not. What matters to me is whether they live each moment overflowing with the infinite love of the divine. All of the creation around us is just as sacred as its creator, ans should be treated as such. Actions are more important than labels. A world blanketed in divine love is better than a world of people with hollow labels.

Thank you for this piece. God bless your heart, and grant you your heart's desire. I'm going through a similar struggle, and God knows I needed to hear this. Your article was placed in my way to remind me that He knows, and He cares. Thank you.

Amen. God bless your heart

Very nice article. I came here because I'm not religous, and it seems most girls I find don't have that in common with me. I was hoping your article would end happily ever after, but it was wishful thinking on my part. It's just too big a part of life. If a couple isn't bothered by it, that's great, but most people won't be willing to compromise, and they shouldn't have to. It's a big world. Sometimes you just have to explore a bit.

wow. This article is amazing. I love the fact that the story is still being written. Last year, I was in the very same situation. Growing up in church, participating in all church activities but then I fell for someone whose list had God around say... No.5. And like you said, no amount of flirting, cajoling or praying did anything significant or permanent. Imagine, being in a serious relationship of 3 years but every time you pray, you're like God please send me the right husband. and help me get out of this relationship. somehow. Needless to say, I had to painfully break it off. Because the truth is, "Iron sharpens iron" you can never expect wood to sharpen iron. or to pull someone up a ladder. they will pull you down instead. So basically, this just reminded me of the so many times we plan then expect God to fit into our plan. He will patiently wait and seek to bring you back into the fold like that 100th sheep that wandered off, probably looking for greener grass out there and bring you back.

Thank you so much for sharing these words. I came to this article and thought it might end in 'and I kept dating him and we got married and lived happily ever after'. Even though I know deep down that wasn't true. You're so right, it is frustrating and easier said than done and I don't understand why if God wants us to marry a man after God's heart then the only ones that seem to want to date us christian girls are non-christians haha. I am not looking for a non christian guy but they always seem to find me. I really loved how you reconciled these difficulties in your heart and are wrestling with them. Your faith and hope is inspiring and I agree with you that trusting in God is better than settling for less.