Beating yourself up for something God has already forgiven does not make you more holy. It just makes you miserable.
The abundant life Jesus offers you is a journey of faith. It won't happen by accident. Daily surrender is required, but it's not about letting go and letting God. It's about running to Jesus, holding on to him, and saying "Yes" to what he asks you to do. It's admitting that you can't do it without him — that you need the Holy Spirit to empower you.