When You Are Down

Lately, I have noticed a significant change in how my soul deals with “my anxious thoughts”. In the beginning of the year 2021, I did an annual 21-day fast so my heart would be in line with God’s will as the new year began. Despite having fruitful seasons from the previous fasts I have done, this year was spiritually the most difficult. For 21 days, as I prayed and read God’s word, I felt so much negativity within me — I could not feel the peace that God promised when I was in his presence, and it made me so frustrated.

Was there something wrong with my faith? Has God left me to deal with my situation alone? Over the next four months, my walk with Jesus became shriveled. I found no point in prayer, in worship, or in reading God’s Word.

In the middle of the year, I had the opportunity to go back home for a few months, and it was just what I needed. I needed to be with my family. The worries and disappointment that I had in the first four months drifted away while I was home, but eventually, I had to confront them. There were moments when God revealed how much I had let my faith be shaken due to my circumstances, yet with his lovingkindness and compassion, he “held me up”.

Now, at the beginning of 2022, my circumstances have not changed, but my heart feels the peace that I missed. When I worship the Lord, my soul is not anguished, but delights in singing praises to him. This is the peace and joy that can only come from the Holy Spirit. When I realized this, I felt the compassion and love that Jesus has for me.

Father, thank you that you remain faithful and constant, no matter how we react to life’s changing circumstances or even our own emotions. Thank you that faith is deepened as we learn to trust your Word more than we trust our own emotions or thoughts. Help me to continue to learn how to walk by faith despite the various circumstances and feelings I will experience this year.

Throughout This Day: Thank God often for his Spirit and his Word. Thank him that no matter what you might feel, he is faithful to keep his Word and strengthen you by his Spirit especially when your emotions and thoughts do not reflect his truth.

Song of Reflection: Battle Belongs by Phil Wickham