Unlimited Forgiveness?

I couldn’t believe that my co-worker was so angry with me. I had only tried to help her, but she felt that I had undermined her leadership and had questioned her ability to accomplish her job. She wanted me to apologize, but nothing that I said seemed to make our relationship better. We were stuck!

“I’m sorry!” How often do I hear these words, but do not always respond with a desire to forgive, if I am really honest. It is too easy for someone to say the words, “I’m sorry” without having to think too much about what one is really sorry for! This was what my coworker and I were struggling with, that I did not know how to properly apologize to her, and she could not seem to forgive me.

Does Jesus expect us to automatically forgive if someone apologizes because he or she was caught doing something that they shouldn’t have done? What if the person is saying, “Sorry” because he or she is simply embarrassed, and doesn’t know what else to say? What really is the purpose of apologizing and giving forgiveness, that it’s worth doing 77 times? How can we do a better job of both apologizing and forgiving in a quality way?

In the book, The Five Languages of Apology, Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas encourage us to think more carefully about how we say, “I’m sorry.” With the purpose of seeking real emotional healing and relationship repair, each language focuses on a different aspect of a full apology, from simple words of sorrow to taking concrete actions in seeking true reconciliation.

The five apology languages the book explores are: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuine repentance and requesting forgiveness. I realized that I did not know how to apologize to my coworker in a way that showed that I really understood how much I had hurt her with my words. She had no choice but to try to forgive me, but I knew that she did not truly trust me, going forward, and the damage done to our friendship and working relationship never did heal.

Father God, please teach me to forgive others the way that you forgive me, and show me if I need to be more genuine in apologizing, not just following the letter of the law, the way Peter was trying to do! Amen.

Throughout this day: Saying “I’m sorry,” or “I forgive you,” needs to be accompanied by a change of heart. Otherwise, our relationships, going forward, can be less than genuine. Consider whether there is someone that you are still at odds with, even though you have tried to apologize or forgive. Is there more that you can do or say to bring true reconciliation?