Undeserved

“But Mom, I need to be punished!” My sweet twelve-year old sobbed angrily in my arms. In response to something I had asked him to do, he had taken his frustration out on his soccer ball in the garage. His anger has been something we’ve been working on lately, and the realization that he could have broken something hit hard.

He was so mad at himself for letting his emotions get the best of him. My son, who doesn’t like to do anything wrong, was full of shame as he wept, squeezing the air from my lungs in the hug I held him in.

In that moment, I realized that what he needed from me wasn’t the punishment he had begged me for. What he needed was grace. He needed me to model for him the same grace that God had shown me. He needed to know what it feels like to be absolved from sin. So I told him that he was forgiven. He cried out that he didn’t deserve it and begged again for me to punish him, and again I told him that he was forgiven.

Sometimes this is a hard concept to grasp, isn’t it? Even for us adults. I don’t know about you, but I have made some pretty poor choices in my life. I spent a good fifteen years walking in pure defiance from God and all that he had for me. I know I definitely didn’t deserve his grace.

But God, in his great mercy, sent his son to pay the punishment for my sin. He looked at all I was, everything that I had done, and still chose to save me. He didn’t wait for me to clean up my act, or insist that I first pay penance. He saved me when I least deserved it. Because he loved me. Because he still loves me.

My son knows the Lord, but he’s still struggling to understand this truth. To be honest, sometimes I still struggle too. But I think that’s okay. God knows we’re not perfect and he loves us anyway.

Heavenly Father, you blow me away sometimes with your great love. You pursued me when I was at my ugliest, and you chose me anyway. I am humbled by you. Amen

Today: Stop worrying about how good you are or aren’t, or what punishment you deserve. Give it all up to him and accept his gracious love and sacrifice for you.