September 11, 2004. The day my life turned upside down. The day I was admitted to the psychiatric ward due to strange and unusual behavior. I did not understand what was happening. Then the diagnosis came – bipolar disorder. I had never heard of that illness before. From that first hospitalization, my life was not the same – I was merely existing. How could I survive the stigma of a mental illness? Shouldn’t my local church community be there for me with love and compassion? Instead, I was banned from the church premises when I experienced a manic episode. For several years, it was a very lonely journey.
Is it possible to live life to the full after eleven hospitalizations in psychiatric wards in various cities? How could I enjoy life after being plagued with manic episodes, anxiety, a panic attack, aggressive behavior, spending sprees and irregular sleeping patterns? Would I recover after being abandoned and rejected by those closest to me?
In my darkest moment, the Holy Spirit led me to John 10:10.
I was extremely tired, hopeless and filled with despair, but with the Holy Spirit’s enablement, I launched operation recovery. The Holy Spirit patiently and tenderly helped me to embrace the truth of John 10:10 – to truly believe that Jesus wants to offer me an abundant life.
Once I began to believe that, and choose to receive what Jesus said he wanted to give me, real transformation and healing began. The diagnosis did not destroy me! As I chose to believe God’s report, I rejected the lies of the enemy and was no longer shackled by feelings of inferiority, anxiety and fear. As I pursue God’s best for my life, I have been able to comfort others as he has comforted me. (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
My story is much more than being diagnosed with a mental illness. It is a story of sorrow being traded for joy, anxiety and confusion being cast away, despair being transformed into deep contentment and enjoying peace which passes all understanding.
This is my story for God’s glory.
Knowing God deeply! Trusting God wholeheartedly! Discovering my true identity in Christ! Walking in divine purpose! New beginnings!!
Had it not been for the Lord on my side, where would I be? God fulfilled His promise and I cannot stop glorifying His holy and majestic name.
Dear God, There are times that I feel hopeless. I have wondered if I will ever have joy and peace again. Please help me to trust you that I can live the abundant life that you promise in Jesus Christ. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
Today’s Challenge Choose to reframe your perspective. Reject the lie that the diagnosis is your identity and you are alone. Speak God’s truth. You are precious to him, he knows your name and he hears when you call.