Panic Button

By night five of sleep deprivation caused by the inability to catch my breath, I knew this wasn’t a typical sinus and chest cold. It was far more sinister, causing panic attacks.

As impaired as my mental state was at that point, I secured transport to a local hospital emergency department. After hours of waiting, a doctor diagnosed me with a viral lung infection that was also affecting my sinuses. He prescribed an inhaler, relaxant and powerful anti-mucus pills. Once home, and coming down from my raging anxiety, I set up a humidifier and sunk into bed.

A few short hours later, the town clinic I lived close to called. I forgot I had left a desperate message the night before to see a doctor, asap. After recounting the previous hours’ horror to the secretary, I secured the remaining appointment of the day to get a second opinion. The diagnosis? A bacterial lung infection. More drugs.

As much as I was comforted by the artillery of pharmaceuticals staring me in the face, I was frustrated, sleep-deprived and hated being sick. My once full-on physical body was at the mercy of worry, breathlessness, and drug names I couldn’t pronounce.

My desperation erupted with pleas to Jesus for sleep, breath, and calm. Even in my worrisome state, I knew he was with me and I needed him more than ever.

A week after my initial diagnoses, I still felt as though things weren’t right. My progress was minimal; I was missing work and growing increasingly impatient and anxious. So, I went to a third doctor whose experience confidently told him my ailment was COVID-related, prescribing different drugs. My body’s ‘day-and-night’ response to them told me he may have been right.

It’s now been over five weeks and even though I experience positive gains each day, have returned to work and to a modified exercise program, I’m still not 100% better. However, today’s verse has become a daily mantra I cling to because I can more clearly see that the Lord holds my life and breath. He is always in control, aware of my suffering (as crushing as it has been), and he is restoring me.

This journey has been and is humbling, as I write this still in recovery mode. My appreciation for stellar health has grown exponentially and my dependence on Christ, further deepened. Today, I am not troubled but thank Jesus even more for his presence and help.

As believers, we know that suffering will happen in our lives because of who we long to follow. And Christ lived a life of suffering. We will experience unbelievable things this side of heaven, yet God is using them to deepen our relationship with our Saviour. We never need to panic or lose confidence in who Jesus is because he reigns over all; our suffering, misunderstandings, and doubts will vanish as soon as we see him face to face.

Precious Jesus, thank you for all of the things you desire to teach me, even in times of suffering, as part of my growing relationship with you. May you be glorified by it all. In your holy name I pray. Amen.

Throughout This Day: As you read and reflect on today’s verse, I pray that you would be thankful in your anxious prayers, fully confident in the rescuing power of Jesus, as part of your growing relationship with him.