Recently I began a new chapter in my journey with diabetes. To say it has been enlightening is an understatement!
Although I’ve used insulin for several years, I have needed to check sugar either with finger sticks or, more recently, using a continuous glucose monitor, and then calculate dosages for multiple insulin injections each day. Sometimes I would forget, find my schedule had changed, that I didn't have enough supplies available, or that life had some other “hiccup.” Oh, the joys and challenges!
I’d heard this new chapter could be challenging as I adjusted to life with an insulin pump, mastering new routines and the technology involved. This first week has surprised me in unexpected ways! I’d researched enough to intellectually accept several of the adjustments, and I’d begun to wrap my mind around the theory of how the pump was supposed to work. There remained concern, however, over yielding control of the daily routine to an object–and the designers who had engineered that pump, programming it to adjust for my diabetic highs and lows. This, after all, could put me into a dangerous health crisis. (Unlikely, yet in a worst case scenario, it could fail, right?)
Dare I admit that when I woke up at 3 a.m. that first night, I spent the wee hours watching the pump screen, off and on, checking to see if my blood sugar would really remain in range as it should? In theory, I knew I would be okay. Yet this was the first night–and I’d had several lows in the past around this time of night.
Ah–not so unlike the challenge of yielding control, of learning to trust the Designer, the Creator of my life, is it! Are you anything like me? Do you too find it easier to grasp for control of the daily details of life at times, rather than yielding to the Creator God who designed you and knows you intimately?
Oh, the lessons of my tiny pump, a thing that I can hold in my hand. It is reminding me how there is freedom and rest in learning to trust. The first night with my pump built confidence, and I’m learning to trust it a little more each day. In a similar way, as I walk with God through the years, I’m learning to trust more deeply in his constant wisdom and care.
God, you are much wiser than I am, and your thoughts are so much deeper than mine. You see the future and the past. You know where I’ve been and where I’m going, and you understand the longings of my heart. Yet sometimes I struggle with giving up control, with trusting in the small details of my yesterday, my today, my tomorrow. Forgive me, I pray, and help me as I learn to trust you more. Thank You for your mercy. Remind me of your faithful, loving care. Amen.
Throughout This Day: Take time early in the day to commit the day to God, asking him to direct your steps. At the end of the day, reflect on the day, noting any times that you sensed his direction or presence. Also notice if there were times when you were more likely to grasp for control, rather than yielding to his guidance. Talk with God about what you noticed, if anything. Remember he already knows, and deeply loves you.
Photo Credit: Heiner