Is This Love?

How do I know if I’m doing something out of love or lust?

A teenager in my church's youth group asked me this question. He has just entered his first relationship, with raging hormones and all, but cares deeply for the girl.

We often think that when we care for someone, it justifies any behavior – regardless of whether it’s appropriate or thoughtful.

I think of a parent who loves her child and angrily punishes them when they do something dangerous.

I think of a leader who loves his people but suffocates them and goes to far lengths to ensure they don’t turn away from him.

I think of a Christian who loves the Lord but insists on having his opinions heard.

I think of a Christian who loves her non-Christian friend but preaches the gospel at them with no intention of listening to their story or their reasons for unbelief.

Or, in the case of lust, I think of someone who loves another person but uses his “love” to justify his lack of self-control and unrelenting desire for his own pleasure.

I would not doubt that any of these people have some love, but if these actions had a sound it would probably be clang, clash, bang, tssssssssssssss – a noisy, clanging cymbal.

To say that “I’m doing this because I love you” or “I’m doing this because I love God” is not a blanket statement we should use to cover and justify harsh, ungracious, or selfish behavior. It’s important for us to hold our love – and the many different ways we express it – up against God’s love.

The Amplified Translation shows us this very familiar passage in a different light. Scroll up and read it again carefully.

When the teenager asked me this question, I emphasized self-seeking. Lust always expects something in return. It yearns for reciprocation. Lust is deeply entangled with pride and selfishness. It is ruthless and will go to any end to satisfy its hunger.

Love, on the other hand, has no expectations. It does not wait for a response, or a “thank you”, or acknowledgement before it decides to give more. Love is generous and does not ask for anything in return.

Look at your Heavenly Father. Your Creator loves you out of an overflow of his own perfect character. He did not wait for you to give him money or praise before he decided to love you. But, because he created you in his likeness, you were made with this innate longing for true love, and he is the source of that love.

Praise, adoration, and thanksgiving, then, is the natural response of our hearts when we’re confronted with God’s glory. It’s our flesh that has a difficult time believing that that love should belong to anyone but ourselves.

Friend, I encourage you to measure your expressions of love up against Jesus’ expression of love. Don’t use “I love you” or “I love God” to justify harsh or irresponsible behavior. Be purposeful in loving others the way God loves you, and know that when you ask the Holy Spirit to lead you and love through you, he will.

Jesus, thank you for your unconditional love. There is no way I would be able to love others with kindness, patience, humility, perseverance or hope, unless you first loved me. Thank you for your ultimate expression of true love on the Cross. Help me to love others – those closest to me and, even strangers, – the way you love me. I know you are transforming me by your Spirit. Help me to surrender to your will. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Throughout This Day: Meditate on God’s love today. Think about those you love and the ways you may have wrongly expressed your love to them. Ask God for forgiveness and ask them for forgiveness, then ask the Lord to help you express your love in a way that flows from him, honors him, and honors your loved one.