by Suzanne Benner
**Resolving Marital Conflicts: http://thelife.com/study/goodfight.html?section=goodfight
“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another” (Romans 13:8).
Debt. The word conjures up nasty images. But instead of thinking of student loans, car payments or crushing mortgages, think of owing love.
The Bible tells us that we will never be able to completely pay the debt of love owed to our fellow human beings.
This debt of love doesn’t arise from what sisters or husbands or children or parents or friends have done for us that needs to be repaid. Rather, it is a mindset freely taken on by followers of Jesus.
God is asking us to live with the continual sense that we owe love to those around us. Not just our friends, not only our family, but to every person with whom we have contact.
How different our outlook would be if, instead of contemplating what people owe us, we spent our time meditating on the truth that we owe love to everyone around us.
The debt of love owed to my children means being patient with them even when homework or chores aren’t completed in a timely fashion.
The debt of love owed to my neighbor means being considerate of her wishes whether it concerns her parking spot, not cutting across her lawn or her unruly dog.
The debt of love owed to a stranger means not getting angry when he cuts in front of me in line.
The debt of love owed to my friend means not being envious of her spacious new home.
Why should we love like this? Why do we willingly take on the debt of love?
“We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
May making payments on our debt of love become our daily ambition.
~God, You have given me unfathomable love. Help me to love others because You first loved me.
Questions: How does owing a debt of love change your attitude toward those around you? How does God’s love enable you to love others?
About the Author: http://talk.thelife.com/authors/suzanne-benner/
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October 3rd, 2007 at 3:53 am
BOY does this one hit home for me. There is is person whom like myself is on a low income, but he uses the churches etc, that serve meals every day. YES THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE THERE FOR. My point is this guy CALLS ME A BUM EVERY TIME he sees me. I go to the soup kitchen daily. AT times I would like to strangle this guy. but the next time I run into him I will make a remark to him “JESUS LOVES YOU AND SO DO I”
October 3rd, 2007 at 5:14 am
This one is very difficult for me because I have to ask the questions: What is the debt of love owed to an adulterous spouse that you are now divorced from after 27 years of marriage and 32 years of togetherness? What is the debt of love owed to that spouse who has nothing to do with his own children and grandson but would rather give all his time to the woman he cheated with, and married within 30 days of your divorce, and her children? What is the debt of love owed to that ex who has nothing to do with his own mother? My therapy and new found faith in God has changed me in all aspects of my life except this one area…why is that? I forgave before God but cannot forgive face to face. I don’t hate him, he actually still holds a special place in my heart and undoubtedly always will; I just dispise him, not only for what he did to us, but also for what he is doing to his children, grandson and mother. What is the debt of love owed????? Father in Heaven, please help me to understand. Help me to gracefully make any changes in me that you desire. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
October 3rd, 2007 at 6:21 am
We are to love everyone regardless of how we feel. It is very hard at times, especially when the person has hurt you or for some reason you have mixed feelings about them for whatever reasons. This one if definitely one we need the Lord to help us with daily, sometimes moment by moment. In order for us to be Christlike, we should strive to show love more than anything. His commandment was to love God and to love others. If we can do this, what kind of impact will we have for the kingdom and in some cases it frees us in our walk instead of becoming stumbling blocks. It’s hard sometimes but we must push ahead. He will help us if we ask.
October 3rd, 2007 at 6:40 am
I am so gald that the Lord has been doing good wroks within me for it is making me able to love others more and more and the first one being myself. Hating ones own slef makes it nearly impossible to love anyone else but when the Lord stpes in and begins his “good works within us” all things are possible including loving those whom are unlovable. They are the ones that need us the most. A smiling face, God’s Light shining throuhg our eyes or maybe just to keep silent when things are not just and right.
Lord make us all a useable instrument of your LOVE and PEACE.
Barbara C.
P.S. Chris I am praying for you and expecting the Lord to move in your life more and more.
October 3rd, 2007 at 6:57 am
Chris, Kathy, Renae, I loved all three of your comments and your honesty. Your comments always an inspiration at this site. Renae, you left a good comment yesterday with some very deep thoughts and I am glad you and the others are here. Renae, are you new?
It is hard to love the unlovely, yet it is definitely a command, and not a choice. We must also look to Jesus for the ways and means. Without Him living in us it is impossible. In one of Beth Moore’s studies “John the Beloved”…she says in his old age John went everywhere and told people to “love one another”. It was his constant phrase. He learned that from Jesus… the many years he was with Him.
Father God, thank you for showing us that we must love one another, even though some don’t deserve it, for neither do we. Thank you for helping me to grow in this area. There are still many out there that I need to reach out to in love. I cannot do it without you dear Jesus. Thank you for the ways and means to do it…and for first loving me!
October 3rd, 2007 at 7:00 am
Barbara C, that was a very good point about “loving ourselves.” You are always an inspiration here. Blessings to all.
May His many blessings bring you much joy, and enough love to share today!
October 3rd, 2007 at 7:04 am
Good morning Ladies, Kathy, I just sat here reading your loss of a marriage. My heart and tears understand. I like the devotional today and the scripture how God loved us first. But, when we go through losing a husband or child that love is one of another kind. The agape love we have a in Jesus is the only way to find peace and feel the comfort from the Holy Spirit. You hurt, because you love so deeply, as you do have a HEART of Christ. The indwelling, of the Holy Spirit..is the fruit of love. Indwelling, is such an important person, it is living word of the comforter, within us. We, as flesh cannot do it alone. Jesus paid the debt for us. Yes, he paid the debt we owe nothing except, “A response to his invitation to come to him to his throne… saved and the unsaved,” I realize after being a Christian all these years everyone had all the different perspectives on what the bible say’s or what a Christian friend say’s. What did Jesus say? How does the Holy Spirit,that INDWELLS within you comfort you? You are not dead to pain .. you are dead to the old man that you were. Christians can be to hard on themselves and some can be more judgmental. When Job sat around…his friends told him he had possibly unconfessed sin…the list went on. But, what does God say and where was he? He was on his throne refining Job however, the evil one thought this would mock God as Job, would turn and curse God, he sat still and waited, as he knew he was humble and that an unseen battle was going on. Usually, at a wedding they read the section where it says: Love keeps no record, then we also read in scripture, Love is the Greatest fruit. However, only with Indwelling of the HOLY SPIRIT, can we have power. Without him, we cannot function, the screen is totally dark…no hope and lost. Like a TV or lamp that is not plugged in I am, POWERLESS! I think adultery, is the worst pain. The Lord dealt with Israel and their adulterous ways with other nations and pagan beliefs and left God out of the equation. When you look at the scripture, as a whole it’s the, ADULTEROUS affairs that scripture is talking about, like the Israelites when they made golden calves, selfishness etc. We commit adultery when things and people are more important than him. I will be praying for you, as I know what adultery is. My dad, cheated and left my mom when I was little. Now that I am 55..I still stop and wonder why? Why, because he did not obey God and ran after the flesh for satisfaction. Remember, the Lord also gave us tear ducts, as he knew saved or unsaved, we will still cry in pain or in times of joy! We are all different, and can only bear his mark with Love toward all. I just ask the Lord, right now! to take that biterness and root of unforgiveness out of your heart and thoughts of revenge from the evil one. Thank you Jesus..comfort Kathy as you know and experience that daily adulterous from your own children. We all know, the Lord, did not make us robots, but, created us in his image (Genesis). Adam and Eve, as scripture say’s were created in his image. When Adam and Eve sinned that image separated and tarnished the man God created and destroyed the plans God had for Adam and Eve. I am sure Jesus wept. Jesus, on the cross, up on Calavary, took the pain and shed the blood for the NEW MAN we would be come and reunite us..ingraft us into his kingdom. When we accept his invitation to follow him and ABIDE in him, There is where we will FIND HIM. I can only find solace, when I know, I am ABIDING in him, as without him, I am, nothing but, that clanging bell. God is Love..paid the price..his grace and mercy are free, as you my dear, are set free to soar! Love and prayer’s for the Holy Spirit to ABIDE and INDWELL within your broken heart from an adulterous marriage. Jesus loves you! Forgive, and like Anne Graham Lotz says, “Just give me JESUS!” toni
October 3rd, 2007 at 8:36 am
Kathy, thank you for your honest questions and your desire to live as God wants you to live. I don’t believe that God wants us to continually trust people who have hurt us or put ourselves or children in harm’s way, so what does loving people who have betrayed us look like? I go back to Scripture, to the best definition I have found for what real love is:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:4,5
I don’t think you need to go out of your way to interact with your ex-husband, but in any interaction you do have God calls you to be patient and kind, not thinking about yourself, not proud about how you have cared for your children and he has not, not getting easily upset about the things he says or doesn’t say, not keeping track of all the ways he has failed.
It is impossible to love like this on our own. It is only through daily surrendering our hurts and our will to the Holy Spirit who lives in us that we can begin to love like God loves.
Perhaps that is the very reason God asks us to live with a debt of love - it is an opportunity for him to demonstrate his great power in our lives when we surrender to him and ask him to make us able to love.
Your ex-husband doesn’t deserve any love from you, but neither do we deserve any love from God. The wonderful message of Christianity is this:
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
Please let me pray for you.
“Holy God, thank you for your amazing love. Pour out your Spirit on Kathy in a new way right now. Help her to know how much you love her and how much you feel the pain of betrayal that she has experienced. Teach her to entrust her children, grandchildren and mother-in-law into your care. Remind her how much you love them and have promised to take care of them. “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” Psalm 68:5 May your love so overflow in her heart that she discovers how to be patient, kind, not proud,and not keeping track of wrongs through your power. In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 am
June, yes I am new to this site. I was looking for a women’s devotional and came across this site about a week ago or so. For some strange reason I just realized I could comment back which is really neat and to see how my sisters are doing out there. We need each other.
It is so cool to know that wherever we are in life, God is there. He knows our needs that we don’t know we even have and meets them. This past weekend we attended a 3-day meeting that was God-ordained for me. I was so excited about the meeting and God let me know He has plans for me and my family but most of all He loves me. What great lengths God will go through sometimes to let us know that. He is so amazing and I am refreshed.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:56 am
FOR RENEE THAT IS FORGIVENESS, AND ALOT OF IT. I CAN FEEL YOUR HURT AND YOUR ANGER. LOVE IS A GIFT FROM GOD WE CAN GIVE EASILY IF WE HAVE A HEART SET TO DO SO. WE ARE TO BE CHRIST LIKE IN ALL WE DO.
October 3rd, 2007 at 10:09 am
Today’s devotional really hit home with me. Jesus paid our
sin debt, at no charge, in the same manner we are commanded
to pay a love debt to others. God is all knowing and wise,
he knew how hard it would be for us to love everybody, even
those that are very hard to love. God want us to know and
understand that without him we are nothing in our selves.
We need God!!Such a wise God would not ask us to do any
thing that couldn’t be done. Some things can only be
accomplished with his help. God has given us his Holy Spirit
as a helper to us. For it is the Holy Spirit that sheds or
pour out love in our heart for others. We need the power of
God’s Spirit on the inside of us helping us to love like God
had commanded us to love. I pray that I will always be re-
minded of the love debt I owe to other and be always willing
to pay this debt. I ask God to give all us the powe we need
by his Spirit to love everybody the way he wants us to.That
the debt of sin Jesus paid for us all with his life will be
a constant influence to us to love. May God bless you all
this day.
October 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 am
Dear Lord JESUS,
Thank you for the incredible gifts of your Holy Spirit..and the Agape love you teach us..Thank you for sheltering us and never leaving nor forsaking us when others willfully hurt us..And when we, even in innocence, do the same..Your love is so great and vast, you eventually lead us to be able to truly forgive them and even pray for them..Thank you, beloved Father, for every last precious one that wrote in and shared today..For Suzanne’s powerful prayer for Kathy..For Kathy’s having turned towards you..She and Toni, both, after awful hurts int their lives…YOU are our covering at times like this more than any other..You don’t judge as so many of us humans do..but just love unconditionally..and understand and soothe..a healing balm in our earthen lives. Be with all these dear ladies, Father, and teach us all how to use your Agape love..Thank you for your patience in us and for never giving up on us..or the ones who hurt us. We love you so much, we honor and Praise you..and we all want your light to shine through us and touch others.. you truly do work through our cracked clay pots!.. Help us this day to truly forgive those that hurt us..We don’t have to “break bread with them” just yet..But just truly forgiving from our hearts.. allows your light to shine in us, We thank you Father In JESUS’ Name…Amen and Amen.
October 3rd, 2007 at 1:05 pm
To Renae
Thank you for answering my question. Yes, it is great to know what is going out there with our precious “sisters” around the world. There are some that comment on here from UK and Kenya.
To Eve in UK, and Maureen in Kenya, we miss you.
It is encouraging to see how HE is working in the lives of different ones, and good to see how we are “maturing” together.
I discovered this site several years ago, but just got heavy into the replys and comments about 6 months ago. My husband of 38 years (you can tell I have some age on me) had surgery in May, and then I had surgery August 29th (had sisters from around the world praying for me). Ladies, 5 weeks today, and I am doing great! Thanks for the prayers…going to church tonight. Don’t know how I would have survived without the prayers and encouragement I have received here.
Renae, Loved what you said yesterday about “how you know He loves you because of the special ways HE has of letting you know.” He is so “awesome” like that.
To Jackie, where are you? We miss you!!
Kathy, I apologize for not being more sympathetic this morning. I had a friend waiting for me to drive her around town for some errands. My heart goes out to you. Praying with you that God will help you understand, and to make any changes in you that HE desires…and HE will. You received some excellent advice and wonderful prayers from other “sisters”. He loves you so, and led you here to be ministered to, as HE does with all of us over and over again. We praise HIM that you have come to know Him, and may you continue to grow in the knowledge of HIS will for your life. (((HUG for Kathy)))
Trusting in HIM,
June L from Georgia
October 3rd, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Hi ladies. The devotional comes at the right time for me. I have been praying for God to help me not to have any ill feelings about any one. I think I wrote on here how I hated my mother when I was a child but becoming a christian and reading the bible has taught me how to love her. She is gone now but I had a chance to talk to her before she died and tell her that I forgave her and didn’t blame her for how she treated me. (long story). I occasionally come across people that should I say rub me the wrong way but I am reminded by God to love then any way. It is a constant battle because satan knows his time is short and he uses our weakness to get to us. Praise the Lord that we have him to help us. Lord help us to be like you and love the unlovely. Fill us anew with the holy spirit to teach us to love as you love. Amen
October 3rd, 2007 at 8:05 pm
dear Kathy.. hang in there. Let go of the hurt and anger. It will destroy you if you don’t. When we hold on the hurts, we are ultimately hurting ourselves, not anyone else. Let go and let God heal and lead you on the new adventure HE has for you. Easier said than done, you might say. I know.. but look at it this way. At least you know where you stand. You are no longer trapped, not knowing which way to turn. Pick up the pieces dear Kathy, for yourself, for your children, your family and friends who love you dearly. HE is holding you.
For me, i question what is the debt of love owed to the woman/ women of the adulterous spouse. Women who have been cheated on themselves, women who have partners of their own. Women who are in a position of trust. Women who are supposed to be your friend too. It’s a double betrayal. They do not have to be sleeping together to commit adultery. When one’s partner is fantasizing about another and has taken steps to turn those fantasies into reality, how the recipient responds is inconsequential. The worst thing is, they think that they have done nothing wrong because they have not slept together. All the lies and games they play.. It hurts too. It plays with your emotions and your mind. You keep wondering, how can they do this??? Where is their conscience? It is just not right.
There was once, when i would ask God each day when i wake, why? Why am i still here? I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake again. I want to go home to You. I felt so small and worthless, like i am just not good enough. It is still a daily battle. I have made a decision to forgive my husband and hold on to my marriage. It is a tough road and often times i feel so tired and alone and want to give up. I do not know where this road will lead. Am just taking it one baby step at a time and willing myself to trust that GOD will make all things, even what satan meant for evil, work out for good.. In HIS time.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:55 pm
FOR KATHY & EVE,
No one can presume to know the pain of another, but we can & do hurt deeply for your hurting hearts. The Scripture that comes to my mind is in Colossians 3:1-3 which says “If you then be risen with Christ, SET YOUR AFFECTIONS ON THINGS ABOVE, not on things of the earth. For you are DEAD & your (NEW) LIFE is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, WHO IS OUR LIFE shall appear, then shall you also appear with HIM, IN GLORY.” I know that we have to live “this” life, but there is such a much greater, & more wonderful life awaiting us, where all pain & sorrow will pass away (Revelation 21:4). In the meantime, it is such a comfort to me, & I hope will be to you, that God “knows”. Someday everything will be made plain, & we will see the eternal purposes of our “todays”. My prayer for all of us is that in that day we will be found to be pleasing to Jesus - because then “nothing else” will matter!
May our Most Wonderful Lord pour out His love & blessings & the glory of His Presence on all of us, but especially on these two “dear ones” that have written of their need for Him here today.
October 8th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
kathy i am in the same spot as you as far as x spouses i guess my love of debt to him is my children and grandchildren he has never seen if not for him they would not be here. God bless you i will be praying for you.
sharon
October 9th, 2007 at 2:43 am
Thank you Barb R.. one day and one step at a time for me.
October 9th, 2007 at 10:02 am
Eve,
You and Tracy both are incredible mentors and help others even out of your own circumstances. Just want you to know a prayer was just lifted for you..and we all continue to believe along with you, too! Hope you have a beautiful day full of surprises from HIM! God Bless and gently guide!