by Gail Rodgers
**Are you harboring unforgiveness in your soul? Would you like to talk to someone about it? http://thelife.com/interactive/ask.html
Dorothy had been deeply wounded. The pain was engrained in her soul and she was reminded of it almost daily. She wished she could forgive, and even tried to, but she just didn’t know how.
Sheri, on the other hand, dug in her heels in and bristled at the thought of forgiveness. She felt no one could understand the deep pain that had wounded her heart and she believed she could never forgive. Quite simply, she did not even want to.
If you struggle with a deep offence in your heart, do a quick check and see what kind of unforgiveness you are harboring. It can be toxic to your soul.
The first kind is found in the heart of one who has had a very real offence committed again her. She would forgive if she could, but the deep pain keeps her from getting there.
Imagine your heart as a home. The home looks tidy from all obvious appearances, but in one room unforgiveness is stuffed away. At times the whole house is permeated with its offensiveness.
If this is you, and you don’t want to continue harboring unforgiveness, simply tell God you want to give Him the “key” to that room in your “heart home.” As you submit this area to God you are acknowledging your trust in Him. You are agreeing to have God hold your hand and go with you into that room so that He can clean it up, in His time. He will do an amazing job of house cleaning that will make your heart rejoice! All you need is the willingness to begin the journey of forgiveness with God’s help.
Perhaps you are struggling with an unwilling heart right now. This is the second kind of unforgiveness, and the most toxic. Although it is humanly understandable that one might rebel against forgiveness, the result is simply not worth it. Your whole life can become affected as the toxins of anger and mistrust permeate through your “heart home.”
Refusing to forgive is like holding rebellion in your heart. God speaks about such things in His Word…”Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and stubbornness as the sin of idolatry” (1 Samuel 15:23).
As Christians we would never consider getting involved in witchcraft, yet the rebellion of a heart in unforgiveness can open the same kinds of doors in our lives. Willful unforgiveness, with no openness to begin the journey of forgiveness, can allow the enemy of your soul to stake a claim. Give God the key today. He can be trusted with the journey to bring your heart to wholeness.
~Father God,
Thank you that You understand my pain and my inability to forgive. I need Your help. Today I submit to You the key to that room in my heart that holds unforgiveness. I declare my trust in You today. Hold my hand and help me journey to forgiveness and wholeness. Thank you for Your unconditional love to me. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
Questions: Are you struggling with an unforgiving heart? How can you stop harboring that unforgiveness in your soul? Are you willing to make that start?
About the Author: http://talk.thelife.com/experience/devotionalforwomen/authors/gail-rodgers/
21 Comments
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September 4th, 2008 at 5:41 am
I’m afraid to forgive. I’ve tried several times to trust this person, but have been hurt every time.
September 4th, 2008 at 7:11 am
good morning penny, i’ve just read your post. as i can feel your uneasiness(i should forgive, i want to forgive, i can’t forgive, i need to forgive)i can’t help but reflect back to when i was in your struggle as well. sometimes all the comfort and advice given from fellowship, friends, relatives, co-workers simply overwhelms one and makes it that much more difficult to deal with. for myself, in reading scripture one day a long time ago, Jesus told me, ”give your worries to Me”. i have learnt that i could not go any further with my spiritual growth until i forgave the person(s) who hurt me. we can overcome fear with faith. and in faith we can boldly confront our fear, break its hold on our life. perhaps this scripture may help you:
”God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.”-2 Timothy 1:17 NKJV
September 4th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Hi Penny I can totally understand where you are coming from, yet in the Bible it says we are to forgive 70 time 7, that’s a whole lot of forgiving. Sometimes I feel it is better to forgive that certain person person and then just let go and let God take over the situation. I just seems that some people feel it is their mission in life to hurt or offend others. I would suggest you pray for that individual but seek out new friends. Hugs Linda!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 7:13 am
Penny, I too have struggled with unforgiveness as of late due to a family situation with my son and daughter in law. My husband and I have been treated very unfairly yet we have done nothing to deserve it - truly. They have shut us and the entire rest of the family out of their lives. There is much prayer going up for them and I do expect God to work and for them to be healed and us, but some of the things that have been said have been very hurtful and I particularly struggle with anger and unforgiveness, but every time I find myself resenting them or angry at them, I ask God to help me forgive them again. And He does. That way bitterness and resentment can’t take root in my heart. Also, a scripture came to my mind the other night that because there is therefore now no condemnation in Christ Jesus and He does not condemn us for our sin that I cannot condemn them for theirs and when this situation is healed I can welcome them back with open arms and a forgiving heart. I hope that helps you. It is hard for me to trust also…..but God is faithful and He will be faithful to you in your situation as you are obedient to Him. God Bless you!
September 4th, 2008 at 7:25 am
linda r, good morning to you. as soon as i read in your reply, ‘let go and let God’, it brought me back to when i first accepted Jesus as my Savior. i kept hearing and reading ‘let go and let God. i did not understand what it meant as i was so new in faith. i was actually afraid to ask for the explanation of what it meant. that seems siily i know, but as everything else in my spiritual growth, it’s one step at a time. bless you for the reminder.
September 4th, 2008 at 7:27 am
Barb love the scripture you gave thank you so very much. I or shall I say my sister struggles with unforgiveness towards me and it is so hurtful and oh how much I long for a true meaningful relationship with her but it seems like everything I say or do is wrong. I had suggested to Penny that sometimes it is just wise to pray for those who hurt you and seek out new friends but you can’t do that with your sister as she is my one and only sister, well I can pray for her and that I do, do but I can’t get a new sister. I Just pray that she too would be willing to forgive me and love me once again live a true sister does. Hugs Linda!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Hi Linda. I know exactly where you are coming from regarding your sister. It seemed I could NEVER do anything right with mine either. I have three sisters. They always excluded me from things and it seemed like all I ever wanted was to be close to them as sisters. Then my mother died in 2002 and the family split entirely apart. There were some things that happened with her estate that were very dishonest. So the two of them are not speaking with the other three of us. But I felt like God wanted me not to just forgive but to actually make contact with them. Well, I only know where one of them lives so I have sent her a couple of cards and she actually sent me one back and we both said that we would like to meet up sometime. We haven’t done that yet as I am trying to deal with my son first. But when that is all settled I plan to make contact again. It is hard when it is your flesh and blood! But God is the restorer of broken relationships. And He will restore what the kanker worm has eaten. Love her and keep praying for your sister, Linda. God loves her and you so much!
Dear Jesus, I just pray right now that you will give all of us a heart that forgives when others hurt or wrong us. You have forgiven us over and over and over again and told us we are to do the same. Please help us to remain strong in you, to read and speak the scripture promises over our individual situations. And thank you, Lord, that your timing is perfect and you are faithful. Even when it doesn’t look like you are working in our situations, you are! Halelujah! We love you and praise you Lord and we thank you for our families. Help us to always be a light in every darkness that we encounter. In Jesus wonderful name I pray. Amen.
September 4th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Barb thank you for your words of encouragement. Are you the Barb I have on my prayer list who lost your son in a car accident Last April 15/07? I want you to know I pray for you daily and if ever you want to talk I would love to email you even if it is just to encourage each other about our sisters. I find it very hard as my very own sister never acknowledges the anniversary date of Lee-Anna’s death, never a card, a email, a phone call nothing and she has a daughter the exact same age so it really does hurt me. Anyways if you ever want to email me my address is lrohne@shaw.ca Thanks again for the encouragement. Kanj I am glad that when I said “Let go and let God” it brought back some good memories. To me I have always thought of that as meaning for me to Stop trying to figure it out or do it myself but just step back and Let God Do It His Way!!! Hugs, Linda
September 4th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Linda, thank God that I am not the Barb who lost her son in an automobile accident. How terrible that would be! Such a hard thing to have to go through. I pray he was a Christian.
And yes, I would love to email with you. Please feel free to do that any time at all. My email address is bfix@hotmail.com. I also need encouragement at times. Was Lee-Anna your daughter? You of course would need your sister to support you. Maybe she just doesn’t know what to say or how to comfort you. People are so complex sometimes. It’s hard to understand why they don’t seem to be more caring. But you know there is One who cares and who will minister to you as you need Him. Go to Him and He will meet your needs.
Hope to talk to you soon Linda!
September 4th, 2008 at 9:52 am
What if the person that hurt you has since passed before the chance to reconcile with that person?
September 4th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Hi Penny just me again! I don’t know if this will help you or not I pray it will it really helped me. I hope this doesn’t sound awful but when my mom passed away almost 10 years ago now I had been her one and only caregiver out of 4 siblings . My dad had previously passed away and my husband and I had to totally arrange his funeral no siblings helped. Then when my mom had a stroke I was the one who was there day in and day out. Anyways to make a long story short my mom made up some things about me that were completely untrue but she got confused very easily so I just prayed everyone understood that and took what she said as a grain of salt but obviously that was not to be. As after she passed away I was to find out she had changed her will and it really hurt my feelings especially for all that I had done for her for all those years. Well I carried that hurt for quite awhile and one day my doctor a Christian said to me Linda you have to forgive you mom and I said well how can I she has now died and in Heaven. Well she suggested I write her a letter and that is what I did. I wrote her a letter telling her all the ways she had hurt me as there were many but prayed over it and with Gods help I told her I loved her and I forgave her and then I buried it and planted a nice flowing shrub over top of it. And Penny what a release that gave me I have never been angry or felt hurt by her since then. Hugs, Linda!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Thanks for the suggestions! God Bless. :)
September 4th, 2008 at 11:41 am
wow, this devotional touches us all one way or another as we’ve all been in similar situations.
Years ago we met the author of a Christian book “Forgive and Forget.’
He taught us that ‘forgiveness’ is a process rather than a one-time deal. He also reminded us that ‘feelings’ are not to be trusted in this process. I do hope you’ll pick up his book or his second on entitled,
‘The Art of Forgiving.’
His name is Lewis B. Smedes
May everyone find their way to HIS peace, mercy and grace in the situations you are working thru.
We too have disfunctional family relationships that we have grown to have HIS peace, mercy and grace in and so I pray this for everyone who is still having to walk thru these issues.
Be blessed.
Penny, at one time in my life I was afraid to ‘trust’ anyone. God took me thru a 10 year period of healing by leading me to one person at a time in which to re-learn how to trust and whom to trust. Interestingly enuf we are to be wise as HIS word states, for not everyone is worthy of our trust…..So my prayer for you dear sister, is that our great God will bring one person at a time into your life to nurture and help rebuild your trust in HIS children. In Jesus name. Amen
September 4th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
yes we should all be forgiving but sometimes it is very hard so we must turn to Him for help
sharon
September 4th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Dear Penny, we are commanded in His Word to forgive, and by the power of the Holy Spirit in us, we can! God would never command something of us, that He did not supply the means for. As it only takes one to forgive, we are not accountable for the other person’s response. Though reconciliation is a biblical resolution that would be most pleasing to God, it is not commanded of us, as it requires two cooperating people. Please know, dear Penny, that you can forgive someone who hurt you in the past and is no longer with us. While reconciliation may be impossible, forgiveness is not only possible, it is necessary, particularly for you to experience joy and peace in your salvation! The Holy Spirit indwelling you empowers you to do that which you cannot in your own power. Linda R is right in encouraging those who struggle with unforgiveness to regularly pray for their transgressor, as the Holy Spirit uses our prayers to transform our hearts! Her idea of writing a letter, burying it, and then planting something over it is a beautiful suggestion for those situations in which the transgressors have passed! As unforgiveness can stall our spiritual growth, and rob us of His power and victory, this is a heart condition that is toxic to the Christian. Trust God, Penny, to help you overcome this obstacle, as you surrender your heart and hurt to Him! God bless, dear sister!
September 4th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
This devotion must have been written for me. I am a mother of 4. My two oldest kids are my husbands from a previous marriage - he’s had custody since they were in diapers and they were only 4 and 5 when we started dating (soon after married). That was 10 years ago. We have always had our difficulties with his ex - but recently, (around 4 months ago) she goaded my son into an argument (he is a good-natured boy and strives to grow in Christ - part of what we try to instill in him) when he decided to yell back, she threw him against a mirrored wall and began to beat him with the palm of her hand. Our daughter called us in tears and we immediately drove out there and called the police. The image of my son having to speak with a police officer is still burned in my mind. When my husband spoke to her three weeks later (childrens services did get involved - eventually nothing came of it - as usual) he told her that her behavior was unacceptable. Not only did she not apologize, she said she’d do it again if need be.
I am in prayer every day over my anger about the situation and the safety of my children. I truly turn it over to God every morning because I cannot get the image of her hurting my children out of my head.
Will it ever go away????
September 5th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Dorothy my heart just aches for you and I want you to know I am going to put you and your family on my prayer list. You might not like what I am going to say but it was once told to me when I was so very, very badly hurt by someone and it really did help me to forgive them and that was to pray for them. If your husbands ex is not a Christian pray for her salvation, Pray for The Love of Jesus to Flow Through her and out to everyone she comes in contact with. Dorothy you might be saying to yourself but Linda you don’t know this lady no, I don’t but I do know the Power of God and He is In The Life Changing Business, there is Nothing He Can’t Do, Nothing. 22yrs ago on August 24th a young man from our church was driving our 15 1/2 yr old daughter home from a bunch of teens going out for lunch, this young man leaned over to put a cassette in to listen to music and drove right across the center line into a oncoming truck. Lee-Anna was killed instantly, the young man walked away with a scratch, just a scratch on his arm. But you know Dorothy I HAD to forgive him, I didn’t even have an option. And what you have gone through is also so horrible but you have to forgive your husbands ex and pray for her and her salvation as that is more important than anything is for her to find the Lord.
Dear Heavenly Father I just bring Dorothy before you right now, Jesus you see her heart, her anger over the situation of what happened with her children and how she can’t get that image out of her head and she truly turns it over to you each morning, well Lord I just Pray In Your Name that You would release her of those images, memories and any anger she is still holding and Dear God Replace it all with Your Love, Joy, Peace and encouragement for what You are going to do in Dorothy’s life and also her husbands ex’s life and through it all We Will Give All The Glory To Jesus! I just pray all these things in Your Holy Name in Faith Believing Amen! Hugs, Linda!!!
September 5th, 2008 at 7:21 am
Linda you gave Dorothy the truth when you told her to pray for this woman. I would suggest the entire family pray for her and surround her w/other believers. Prayer does change situations, and often it is us that are first changed. Right now I pray that your son will never give in to her yelling at him; but that Father God will help him to see and understand her and that he’ll be able to walk away or give a soft reply.
Dorothy I think it goes a further than forgiveness for what this gal has done seems to have broken your sense of ‘trust’ in her having your kids visit; is this correct? Then pray into that as well. A break in trust is something that can take longer to heal.
Linda hit it right on the head so pray, pray, pray; and I suggest you may want to read one of the books on Forgiveness I mentioned further up in my first comment.
Bless you all Dorothy as you seek HIM first in this situation and in your lives as a whole! Amen
September 5th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Hi Dorothy! I have spent time pondering over, and in prayer about, your circumstances, but was unclear about whether it was your son or your husband’s son from his first marriage, who had the unfortunate experience with your husband’s ex-wife. Divorce, custody issues, and step-parent relationships impose different family dynamics to consider. May the Lord shed His light on this situation for better understanding, and may His Spirit guide those in whom He dwells, and show mercy and grace towards the hearts that have yet to receive Him! God bless, dear sister!
September 6th, 2008 at 3:42 am
Thank you ladies. My life is intertwined in scripture and I know what is the right thing to do - it’s the actual “doing” it that seems to elude me. These two children are not mine biologically, they are ones that God entrusted to me at a very young age. We have four altogether and have struggled and prayed and worked hard to form a strong family bond in our home. The kids have never wanted to go for visitation - she is not a very nice person - even though she does claim to be a Christian (is the choir leader in her church) however, my husband has always insisted that they go anyway - he didn’t want them to grow up and say that it was his fault they never got to know her or bond with her. She herself is the one who has impeded that from ever happening with her own actions. So, I’ve reluctantly submitted to his line of thought and am the ones the kids come to when they’ve been hurt - which as we all know as mothers, kills us inside as well. It had gotten so bad awhile ago that I actually called my mother and asked her to pray for her because I was physically incapable of asking God to do anything for her. I do now pray for her during my quiet time, but must admit it is only done out of what I know I should be doing - so, based on your encouragement ladies, I’m committing to whole-heartedly “mean it” when I do pray - thank you all for your words of wisdom. And my heart skipped a beat for a moment Linda, when I realized that I am the age your daughter would’ve been today. :)
September 6th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Dear Dorothy, I echo Linda R and Andi in encouraging you to continue praying, unceasingly, for your husband’s ex-wife, until your anger has given way to understanding and compassion for her. Though we do not know all the issues and circumstances surrounding your relationships, there is something vitally important for the emotional/spiritual well-being of the children — that is helping them to learn the essential art of forgiving! They will learn it best from you and your husband, as they are in your presence more. Unforgiveness will hold them hostage, and stagnate their spiritual growth! I tell you this, dear sister, from my own experience! When my daughter was 16-years-old, after having become a Christian at 9-years-old, she struggled with bitterness and unforgiveness towards her father. He was a very difficult man to live with, harsh in discipline and critical in spirit. As a new believer, God blessed her with spiritual understanding that betrayed her age. But, she continued in anger towards her father, for having cost her a ‘happy childhood.’ We would talk about her feelings, and I understood completely. But, seeing her at a spiritual impasse because of her unforgiveness, I realized the necessity of helping her move towards this goal, regardless of whether or not her father, my husband, changed his ways. I encouraged her to start praying for her father every day for 30 days, whether she felt like it or not. I knew that as she ‘thought’ it, she would eventually ‘feel’ it. And, I prayed feverishly as well! As God was behind this effort, He was faithful to deliver! My daughter experienced spiritual victory, and was finally able to forgive her father and actually feel compassion for him! She has been so richly blessed by this, and God has rewarded her commitment with an improved relationship with her father! Praise Him! And so, dear Dorothy, I would encourage you to join your husband in praying daily for his ex-wife, and if you find that the children harbor ill feelings towards their mother, to invite them to pray for her, as well. Encourage them to talk about their feelings, as needed, but in the spirit of seeking understanding, compassion, and reconciliation of relationships. God bless you, Dorothy!